Chapter 2
Why Anxious Thoughts Get Stuck
A recurring thought can either pass through the mind or become a loop that keeps getting reopened over and over again.
Does this feel familiar?
A thought returns even after you feel like you’ve answered it.
You replay conversations, memories, feelings, or details to make sure you did not miss something.
You feel close to certainty but then a new ‘what if’ enters in.
You tell yourself, “I just need to think about it one more time.”
Everything fades into the background as you get tunnel vision on the question.
You feel like you can’t move forward until you have a better level of closure.
Main Guide
Open-Ended Investigation
A guide to understanding why certain thoughts begin to feel urgent, unresolved, stuck, and difficult to leave alone.
Eventually, nothing feels sufficient to count as an answer.
Evidence is re-evaluated. Memory is re-evaluated. Feelings are re-evaluated. Then the evaluation itself gets evaluated.
It becomes a case that never closes.
There is a difference between not having an answer and not being able to let an answer stand.
Let’s imagine for a moment that you are worried about something you said.
You remember the conversation.
You consider the details, and reflect on the context.
You think about what you intended.
You arrive at a conclusion about what occurred and how it went.
Ordinarily, that would actually count for something.
Not because your memory is flawless.
Not because you have absolute certainty.
Simply because you have considered the information available to you and made a judgment.
Now the case reopens.
This time you notice your tone.
Then you begin thinking about your word choices.
Then the look on the other person’s face as you had spoke.
Then the fact that you cannot remember some aspect of the conversation.
You wish someone else had been there so you could ask them for reassurance. [Research on reassurance-seeking in OCD]
Something about the whole thing just feels unfinished.
So each detail becomes an exhibit in the case you are building.
And the question begins to shift.
It is no longer, “What do I reasonably believe occurred?”
It becomes, “Can I reach a conclusion that leaves me with no doubts or questions?”
Those are different assignments.
The first can reach an ending.
The second cannot.
Imagine taking your car to a mechanic because you heard an unusual noise.
The mechanic thoroughly checks the engine, drives the car, listens carefully, and tells you that nothing seems to be wrong.
You leave.
Half way home, you hear another sound.
Maybe the mechanic did not hear that one.
So you begin to listen closely.
The Closer You Listen, the More There is to Hear
Now you notice a slight vibration as you accelerate.
A click when the air conditioner turns on.
A rattle when you hit a small hole in the road.
The more you listen, the more you hear.
The car has not necessarily become less trustworthy.
You have simply begun listening at a level where every ordinary sound becomes available for interpretation.
That is the irony.
You listened more closely so you could have greater confidence.
But closer listening gave you more things that could be questioned.
The search for confidence began giving reasons for less confidence.
For those struggling with anxiety, intrusive thoughts, and OCD-like thinking, something similar can occur.
Thinking it through again can make the thought harder to settle because each new round of attention gives you more details to interpret.
[Research on repeated checking has also found something interesting: checking something again and again can actually make someone less confident in their memory of it, even when their memory remains accurate. Researchers Marcel van den Hout and Merel Kindt demonstrated this effect in a series of tests.]
You reflect on a conversation, a memory, a decision, a bodily sensation, or a moral concern.
You assume more attention will give you more clarity.
But sometimes, the more closely you examine it, the less settled you feel.
More Evidence, More Questions, More Investigation
Think about quality control.
An item is inspected and found to meet the standard.
Someone says, “Check it again under brighter light.”
Still, it meets the standard.
“Now look at it under magnification.”
Under magnification, tiny irregularities are observed.
Now those have to be evaluated.
Eventually, the existence of any remaining doubt starts to feel like evidence that the case is still open.
But, for those wrestling for certainty, that is hardly the end, usually there is another twist.
Eventually, You Become Part of the Evidence
At first, it was about what occurred.
Then it starts becoming about you.
Imagine you had a tough conversation with someone, you reached the conclusion that you were not trying to hurt them.
But you still feel guilty.
Now the guilty feeling becomes evidence.
So you keep investigating.
You increase your self-monitoring of your thoughts.
You start evaluating your reaction to your reaction.
And once that begins, almost anything inside you can become part of the case.
[Researchers studying anxiety, intrusive thoughts, and OCD have described something similar. If someone begins doubting their own thoughts, feeling, or memories they may look for certainty elsewhere. A 2024 review of this research considers how that search for confirmation becomes an aspect of the struggle.]
Your memory:
Why can’t I remember that part more clearly?
Your confidence:
Why don’t I feel more sure?
Your emotions:
Why do I still feel anxious if I really believe this?
Notice how far the case has moved.
You began with an external question.
Then your memory became evidence.
Then your emotional response.
Then your level of confidence.
Then your reaction to your lack of confidence.
Eventually, you are no longer only investigating the problem.
You are investigating your ability to know when the problem has been investigated enough.
What if the Requirements Keep Changing?
Imagine going to the DMV.
You check the website beforehand.
You bring your identification, a utility bill with your addresss on it, your completed form, and everything listed.
You reach the counter and hand everything over.
Then you are told you need one more document.
So you return with it.
This time you need another signature.
You get the signature.
Then you discover that you need a secondary bit of mail with your address.
Eventually, you would stop asking:
What am I forgetting?
And begin asking:
Is there actually anything I could bring that would finally be enough?
Something similar can occur internally for those struggling with anxiety.
At first: ”I need a reasonable answer.”
You reach one.
Then: “I need to be very confident in the answer I got.”
Then: “I need to be very sure I am not overlooking anything.”
Then: “I need my emotions to agree.”
Then: “I need to understand if any doubt remains.”
Each requirement sounds reasonable by itself.
Together they form a case that can never close.
You keep bringing what you thought would settle the matter, only to discover the standard has changed again.
The issue beneath all of that is you have created a standard no one is capable of satisfying.
To Stop Feels Irresponsible
It may not be that you just want an answer.
It may be that you want to be responsible.
Careful.
Truthful.
Faithful.
You don’t want to dismiss something that matters.
So when you stop, it can feel morally dangerous. [This sense of responsibility has also been observed in research. In a study led by Edna Foa, those with OCD who struggled with repeated checking felt a heightened responsibility to prevent harm, even in situations where the likelihood of danger was low.]
You think:
“If I don’t review the conversation, am I being careless?”
“If I don’t question my motives, am I avoiding the truth?”
“If I stop trying to remember, am I letting myself off too easily?”
The investigation slowly begins to shift from discovering what is true → to demonstrating what kind of person you are.
Checking is used to demonstrate you are responsible.
Self-examining is used to demonstrate you care about doing what is right.
Searching your motives so you can know your heart is clean.
But now the investigation is given a burden bigger than it’s able to carry.
No amount of examination can give you a conclusion that can never again be questioned.
Ironically, the effort to demonstrate that you are responsible becomes the very thing that keeps you from living responsibly.
Being Careful is Not Bad
A strange sound in a car may need attention.
A serious decision requires thoughtfulness.
A former decision or action may require reflection, confession, or repentance.
The issue is not whether you never look again.
It’s whether still looking back again serves a God honoring function.
There is a difference between:
“I am examining this so I can make a wise judgement.”
And
“I will not stop from examining this until every single doubt is absolutely gone and no uncertainty remains.”
The first has an aim.
The second has no end.
This kind of repeated mental reviewing can become a compulsion, even when there is no outward behavior to be seen. [In her work regarding OCD Lisa Levine further describes how trying to reason your way to certainty sometimes becomes the very cycle you're trying to avoid.]
The mind has an almost infinite ability to imagine another “what if,” and a case built on eliminating every variable or unknown remains open forever.
The question is not whether you can find another reason to reconsider.
You almost definitely, and indefinitely, can.
The better question is, “What are you hoping for the next round of questioning to do for you?”
A Soul That No Longer Has to Keep Every Case Open
Thankfully Psalm 131 gives us something different to imagine.
David speaks of not occupying himself with matters too great and too marvelous for him.
Then he gives us an image:
A young son with his mother, resting in her presence and love.
The imagery is gentle and calm.
The son is not quiet because he understands everything going on around him but because he rests with someone he trusts.
This is significant because we often reverse the order.
David in his writings directs us to something much deeper: Because I can entrust myself to God, I do not have to make absolute certainty the cost of rest.
David's humility is not intellectual laziness.
It is restraint.
He recognizes that he is not responsible before God to master everything that could every concern him.
And that includes himself.
There is a time for examining the heart.
But biblical self-examination is not the same thing as omniscient self-surveillance.
You can act faithfully while recognizing that you are still a finite person whose memory, understanding, and emotions are limited.
We often ask our own judgment to do something only God's judgment can do: know every fact, see every motive, understand every circumstance, and reach a infallible conclusion without any risk of error.
This may be the most significant thing to recognize.
You may not have to have another round of investigation.
You may have to recognize that the demand for another investigation is part of what keeps the thought stuck.
That is where the next question begins.
Not: “How can I finally reach an answer I will never doubt?”
But: “What do I do when I have made a reasonable judgment—and doubt asks me to reopen the case?”
That is where Responding Differently begins.
Author: Cody Shores, M.A.B.C., M.Div.
Resources
Why does it feel like some thoughts can’t be left alone? These articles examine how unwanted thoughts become the focus of repeated analysis, questioning, and reassurance seeking—and why those responses often leave us feeling more stuck rather than less.
What’s Next?
Chapter 3 : responding differently To Fear
Learn how to respond to intrusive thoughts without feeding the cycle, make room for uncertainty, and return your attention to the life, relationships, and responsibilities in front of you.
