Learning to break away from constantly self-assessing how you are feeling and doing.
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You’re at the edge of the Grand Canyon.
The sun is setting.
The air is soft and cool.
The crowd is small and quiet.
You breathe in through your nostrils and catch a sweetness that only comes with those evenings that are just so.
And yet, as you stand there, you keep wondering, “Am I enjoying this enough?”
“Do I feel peaceful yet?”
“Am I feeling good?”
“Is this better than yesterday?”
By the time the sun vanishes, you have spent so much time evaluating the moment that you missed the moment.
Self-Surveillance
Something similar can occur with anxiety, OCD, intrusive thoughts, and fear.
You stop monitoring the world around you and start monitoring yourself.
Your investigation turns inward. (See –– Stuck Thoughts: Open-Ended Investigation)
Every idea.
Every feeling.
Every intrusive thought.
Every emotional fluctuation.
Without end.
Ironically, the more closely you self-monitor, the less free you typically become.
Sometimes you will hear it said like this:
"I don't know if my biggest problem is the intrusive thoughts anymore. I think it's that I never stop checking for them."
The T.S.A. Misses Very Little for a Reason
If you’re unfamiliar, T.S.A. consists of the men and women that screen our luggage at the airport.
Every day.
Day after day.
Year in.
Year out.
You likely have a story to share about a hair-dryer they mistook for a “device” on that one trip that you took.
But generally speaking, they usually get it right.
They find thousands and thousands of things that shouldn’t be there, every year.
Really, it’s not shocking.
Imagine being them.
Searching the luggage of strangers 10 hours a day.
You would become especially skilled in noticing irregularities too.
You’ve Become the T.S.A.
You are constantly scanning your field of vision and mental awareness.
You are hunting for the thing that has brought terror into your life.
You have turned your attention to the minute details:
“Is the thought there?”
“Does that feeling mean anything?”
“Is there anything knocking on the door of the mind?”
After enough repetition, you can become extraordinarily sensitive to exactly what you've been training yourself to detect.
The Bible Calls Us to Look Somewhere Else
Scripture certainly encourages self-examination (2 Corinthians 13:5), but not unceasing self-occupation.
The Christian life repeatedly redirects our gaze:
to Christ
to our neighbor
to today's responsibilities
to worship
to love
to service
Fear continually bends our attention inward.
The gospel continually frees us to look outward.
Ever since the Garden of Eden, we all, to varying degrees, have been disoriented.
We see things distorted.
The things we love, get disordered.
We act out of self-interest.
The Word of God, on the other hand, reorients us.
Back to truth.
Back to reality.
Back to what is of highest significance.
Ask questions that reorient
Instead of asking:
Am I anxious?
Is it gone?
Did I react correctly?
Ask:
Who needs my attention right now?
What responsibility has God placed before me?
Is there something love requires in this moment?
How can I faithfully engage what's in front of me?
You need to notice something: every question moves outward.
One of fear's quietest achievements is not merely making us afraid.
It is making us endlessly focused on self.
We begin measuring our day by the condition of our inner world rather than engaging the people, responsibilities, and blessings He has placed around us.
But the gospel has always been wonderfully liberating.
It lifts our eyes from constant self-focus and turns them again toward Christ, toward our neighbor, and toward the ordinary callings of everyday faithfulness.
Ironically, some of the freest people are not those who think about themselves endlessly.
They are free because they have become captivated by Someone greater than themselves.
Hope for Today
1. Begin your day with direction
Say, “Lord, help me to make today about living for Your Kingdom.”
Is there:
A conversation that should be had
A job that needs to get started
A task that needs finishing
A spouse that needs a hug
A friend that needs encouragement
Or anything else that I need to return my attention to?
2. Get absorbed with something outside of yourself.
Make a meal for someone who had surgery.
Listen carefully to a friend.
Serve someone quietly.
Take a walk and intentionally notice God's creation.
Sing in church.
Help your spouse with dinner.
Throw a baseball in the backyard.
The goal isn’t distraction.
The goal isn't to become someone who never notices intrusive thoughts.
The goal is to become someone whose life is no longer organized around noticing them.
3. Go forward, Even If.
Even if it’s hard.
Even ifyou just failed.
Even if you don’t have the level of certainty you would like to.
You don't have to wait until your inner world feels settled before returning your attention to the life God has placed in front of you.
If you’d like to keep reading, you can find more here → Articles
And if talking it through would help you, you’re always welcome to reach out and schedule a one-on-one meeting to walk through this together.
