How to offer steady, biblical encouragement when someone you care about seems to be struggling again.
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“I thought they were past this”
It had been a good few months.
Not perfect.
But different.
They were doing things they hadn't done before.
Life seemed bigger.
The conversations weren't dominated by anxiety.
You weren't answering the same questions every night.
And perhaps, quietly, you had started relaxing too.
Then came Tuesday.
The old fear returned.
The questions started again.
Something was avoided.
Maybe an old ritual resurfaced.
And before you even had time to think about it, a sentence came into your mind:
“I thought we were past this.”
Maybe you didn't say it.
Maybe you did.
But suddenly you're scared too.
Is this starting all over again?
Did all that progress mean nothing?
Are we heading back to where we were four months ago?
And because you are afraid of going back there too, you feel an almost irresistible urge to do something.
Correct it.
Fix it.
Give advice.
Remind them how far they'd come.
Tell them not to start this again.
But maybe the first thing they need from you isn’t urgency.
Maybe the first thing they need from you is steadiness.
1. Admit The Reality––This Setback Involves You Too.
When someone you love has struggled severely, you have a history with the struggle too.
You remember the late nights.
The cancelled plans.
The tears.
The repetitive conversations.
The tension in the house.
So when an old behavior returns, it’s easy to respond in a way that is not just about today.
You find your mind going back to four months ago. Ten months ago. Maybe a year ago.
It’s easy to overreact in a way that doesn’t reflect Christ.
For the one struggling, they fear “the thought.”
For you, you may fear returning to when the thing controlled every aspect of your life.
But fear doesn’t have to determine our response.
2. Don’t Make One Difficult Day Bigger Than It Is.
Avoid:
“Oh no. Not this again.”
“I thought you were doing better.”
“You haven't done this in months!”
“Are you getting bad again?”
Those statements may communicate something you don't intend:
This is catastrophic.
Instead, help put the moment in its proper size.
“Today seems particularly difficult.”
That's very different from:
“We're back where we started.”
One describes today.
The other writes tomorrow.
Instead, view it as a refresher to demonstrate Christ’s faithfulness.
“He walked us through it before.”
“He can walk us through it again.”
“This is a chance to grow again.”
3. Don't Immediately Begin Taking Their Spiritual Temperature
Loved ones can begin monitoring:
“How are you now?”
“Are the thoughts still there?”
“Did you do the ritual again?”
“How anxious are you?”
“Is the devil attacking you?”
“Are you okay now?”
The intention is loving.
But suddenly the sufferer is being watched—and encouraged to watch themselves.
You don't want the entire household turning into a recovery-monitoring station.
Sometimes the loving response is simply:
“That was a hard morning. Let's keep going.”
And then actually keep going.
Make lunch.
Go back to work.
Finish shoveling the driveway.
Do laundry.
Attend to the responsibility Christ has set in front of you right then.
Live.
4. “They Blew It”––Remember, There Is Grace for Them and You Today.
Jesus reminds us He isn’t for the healthy but the sick.
A setback matters. Sin matters. Our responses matter.
But neither should we think everything is over.
Failure is not the end of the story for someone in Christ. God's grace gives us somewhere to go when we fail—not permission to remain there
1 Thessalonians 5:14
“And we urge you, brothers, admonish the idle, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all.”
Not every struggling person needs the same response.
Someone may need admonishment.
Someone else may be fainthearted and need encouragement.
Someone may simply be weak and need assistance.
Biblical love gives enough attention to understand what kind of help the person really is needing in that moment.
Sometimes someone needs to hear: “You know what you need to do, can I do it with you?”
That’s encouragement towards courage.
In another situation, someone may be crushed by their failure. They don't need a lecture. They may need someone beside them saying: “Today was hard. God's grace hasn't changed. Let's get up and walk again.”
And sometimes they may simply be exhausted. They need tangible assistance to regain their footing.
Almost no one grows and changes at the speed that we really they would.
They repeat themselves.
They stumble.
They misunderstand.
They lash out.
We have to resist demanding, “Grow according to my timetable.”
Not because growth doesn’t matter.
But because it does––and genuine growth sometimes requires long-suffering.
Gentle & Lowly
“A bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not quench.”
There is no harshness in Jesus toward the weak and bruised, his instinct isn’t to finish breaking it.
His gentleness gives us an example worth remembering when dealing with those suffering.
Not: “Get it together.”
“You’re back at the beginning.”
“Here we go again.”
“You should be stronger than this.”
No.
He responds with gentleness.
Understand something.
We aren’t advocating to act like the setback didn’t occur.
Or that it doesn’t matter.
Nor are we suggesting you withhold speaking truth.
Only that we consider this question: “Can I speak truth in a way that doesn’t break what is already bruised?”
Bring truth.
Bring love.
Galatians reminds us that when someone is caught in sin, the goal isn't humiliation or frustration. It is restoration—and that restoration is to be carried out “in a spirit of gentleness.”
Don't make one difficult day bigger than it is.
Bring truth. Bring love. Bring gentleness.
And then help them get up and keep walking.
If you’d like to keep reading, you can find more here → Articles
And if talking it through would help you, you’re always welcome to reach out and schedule a one-on-one meeting to walk through this together.
